I have thought often of posting. I'll be out somewhere, and I'll think to myself, "I really want to talk about that!" And I have forgotten them all. But here I am now, I have some time, let's see.....

I had my 6 month with my oncologist. I have really gotten into biking. Like biking 10 miles or more in a day all over San Francisco, up and down hills and in and out of traffic.... and I love it. In the past I have biked in the summer, and then fallen off in the winter. This year I did the reverse- I didn't bike much last summer due to my job, and really got into it in November! I have discovered that every time I feel like a grumpy winter sloth, if I go ride my bike I feel amazing. I have developed a pavlovian response, so that now when I feel blue I start to crave it. Which I am not fighting, what a fantastic craving to have!

So back to my oncologist. I am 20 mins late for the appointment because I decided to bike the 5 miles, and I had to keep stopping to figure out which way to go, etc. He couldn't have been more pleased with me. He said that there are new studies indicating that any sort of weight loss, any sort of exercise, help with lowering recurrence of breast cancer. I guess I have a fantastic reason to lose weight! I also love it that the oncology department at Kaiser has figured out that stressing people out about being late to appointments is silly. And, actually, bad for their health.

I have adjusted to my new breasts. I am still surprised by my emotions. That sense of well-being, that everything will be fine, that life is always there, people are always there.... deep down I just don't have it anymore. I miss it. I keep my chin up, remind myself where I am in the moment... but deep down I really feel that temporary-ness of it all.